Midlife crisis: How to recognize that you have one and its consequences

picture alliance / dpa-mag | Sebastian Knoth

It is not a medical diagnosis, but midlife crisis is a term that has become commonplace. It is often associated with middle-aged people who unexpectedly turn their lives around, with clichés about trying to recapture youth, with motorcycles and affairs.

The crisis is not harmless, however. The medical director of the Oberberg Fachklinik Rhein-Jura and psychiatrist, Andreas Jähne, warns that depression can arise from the midlife crisis. He explained to Business Insider what a midlife crisis is, when you should seek help, what you can do if you are hit by one, and whether there are differences between professional groups and genders.

According to the doctor, a midlife crisis often affects people between the ages of 40 and 50. This is a vulnerable time, and crises and mental illnesses often arise at this time. This has to do with several factors:

• Profession: Career planning is usually complete. No more major steps are taken, which can sometimes lead to frustration.
• Body: You realize that your youth is over. You are not old yet, but your body can no longer cope with everything and demands more rest.
• Family: Anyone who has children notices that they are already grown up. A relationship may have become routine or may have fallen apart.

This leads to a state of balancing – and the balance can be negative and lead to resentment and uncertainty: “You calm down for the first time, look beyond your own nose and think: Is this what I want? Is there anything new coming? Do I need to reorient myself? What happens next? For some, this leads to a crisis,” explains psychiatrist Jähne.

When you should seek help

This crisis is normal to a certain extent. It only becomes dangerous when it turns into depression – and that is typical, according to Jähne. The important point here is time: being sad sometimes does not mean that you are depressed. But if you suffer from persistent apathy, despair, depressed mood and lack of energy for more than two weeks, if you withdraw and are indifferent, then that is a warning signal and a sign that you should seek help.

A drastic warning symptom is weariness of life or suicidal thoughts. “These thoughts are quite typical of a midlife crisis because you are thinking about your life and your future. However, they are not an expression of the fact that you have done something wrong in your life, but rather a symptom of depression. You should take this seriously and go to the doctor because urgent action is required,” says Jähne. Suicides are usually the result of such thoughts that were not taken seriously or that were not discussed out of shame. “The important message is: these thoughts will pass,” emphasises the doctor.

What can you do if you are experiencing a midlife crisis?

Many people tend to turn their lives around during a midlife crisis. However, you should be careful with drastic changes in your life; it is dangerous to make decisions in a situation where you see everything negatively: “You may evaluate things differently in two months. And then it’s stupid if you quit your job and your marriage and sell your house,” says Jähne.

The second risk is “thinking, ‘I’ll only feel better if I get rid of this job or the divorce is finalized.’ But what if not? That’s a false idea of ​​the solution. You usually take the problems with you and end up feeling the same as before,” the psychiatrist continues.

Jähne recommends that you take this impulse seriously, think it through carefully and talk to your therapist, best friend or partner: “In a crisis, no life-changing decisions should be made. In a crisis, I think things through first. I get advice, exchange ideas, coordinate,” says the expert.

What influence do gender and profession have?

The crisis can affect anyone at any time, regardless of profession and gender. There are no risk groups. Mental illnesses are found more frequently in women than in men, but that does not mean that they actually occur more frequently among women, says Jähne.

This is because women are more open about the topic. Men are more likely to suppress symptoms because it does not fit the role model. “Mental illness has a stigma. Men often tend to cover up their problems in order to conform to a cliché: strong like an oak tree that cannot be felled,” says Jähne.

Men are more likely to compensate for psychological problems – through alcohol consumption or excessive exercise

The difference between men and women is that it is more common for men to compensate and not address the problem instead of seeking help. This happens, for example, through alcohol consumption and excessive exercise.

The clichés about the midlife crisis are not completely unfounded, but they are not limited to men: “There are men who buy a motorbike or a Ferrari and look for a young woman because they want to feel young. Some women do something similar, but a little more cleverly. The phenomenon of wanting to catch up on youth by starting an affair or a fasting course, for example, also exists among women,” explains psychiatrist Jähne.

If you have suicidal thoughts, you should contact a person wYou can also call the telephone counseling service free of charge and anonymously on 0800/111 01 11. If you are open to further offers of help or if you are worried about someone, the pastoral care service can also refer you to doctors, counseling centers or clinics. Here you can search for advice centers in your area.